Redemptions Runaway
by reckless redgies sexy screams
Summary: When Shinji fails at his redemption he is sent back to the beginning due to a mysterious voice that seems to think of itself as some sort of God. But can he truly find his redemption? how much has changed? Find out. DARK FIC WARNING: will contain disturbing content
1. Failure

_I mustn't run away I mustn't run away I MUSNT RUNAWAY._ Shinji was screaming this into his mind as he sprinted back to NERV headquarters. Back to the one place he told himself, he would never go back to, but he had been wrong... wrong and selfish in thinking that it was the right thing to do in running away. Because if he ran away who would protect everyone, only he could. He had learned this from Kaji as Shinji met him when he was watering his melons( and as per classic Kaji fashion just _HAD_ to make a sexual pass towards Misato while doing it) only moments before and now he was running.

As he ran, the numerous explosions that rang out from his coworkers and friends battle with the twelfth angel shook him to his core, but that would not stop him in redeeming himself for all his cowardice.

' _Rei... Asuka... Misato, I'm so sorry for failing you all this time_ ', Shinji thought as he recalled all the moments and chances he had had to help them but instead decided to just stay away... to tell himself that it would be better to stay instead of even trying to help them. But no more, he would not run away.

 _'I truly deserve to die don't I',_ he thought not even knowing if what he was thinking was like trying to be a coward or just the truth of what he really deserved. Either way, he would not- could not die until he righted his wrongs... no longer how long it took.

He reached the entrance to Nerv and slammed down on the elevator that would take him to the holding bay.

"Hurry damnit", he snarled through clenched teeth.

Finally, after what seemed like a hellish eternity in the elevator, Shinji reached the bay.

The bay that had always been his hell, was now his only path to redemption.

But there was one more thing that stood in the boy's way. His father loomed over Shinji from his command room, staring at his son in a cold and faintest strain of disdain stare ." Why did you come here", Gendo asked in the way someone would make a statement, not a question, perhaps he believed he was above questions. Shinji would be lying if he said that deep down it didn't hurt to hear that from his father but that didn't matter, he wasn't here for Gendo.

"Because I- _because I AM THE PILOT OF UNIT 01_ ", Shinji said screeching near the end as if he was trying to tell the world that he wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

Gendo didn't even really acknowledge his son as he simply told the remaining staff," Open the hatch".

Not bothering to think about his father Shinji sprinted to the hatch no-to his redemption. He climbed the familiar ladder and entered the chamber.

Closing the hatch Shinji felt(and tasted it sadly) the LCL rush into his system and let out a silent *blah* with his mouth before he headed into his seat and powered up the unit. For some reason, the LCL tasted even worse than usual but Shinji decided to ignore it.

the unit roared to life with a brutal vibration that made Shinji feel like his intestines were being shaken out of him every time he felt it. But like everything else that was bothering him right now, he had to ignore it. He had the eva break itself free from its restraints and began ramming its fists into the walls that separated him from the command center.

One by one they broke. One by one he was getting closer to his redemption.

But as Shinji heard the satisfying sounds that were the walls breaking, Shinji began to hear another sound tingling inside his head.

 **do you honestly think this will work out?**

'What was that', Shinji thought both equal parts scared and confused as to who or what said that, as he was the only one in the Evas chamber as far as he knew.

 **I guess you can decide that really. You can call me unit 01, Lilith, Adam, you might just call me god.**

Shinji was dumbfounded at the voice and really wanted to know just what it was but as he broke down the final wall, he decided to ignore it.

 **it's not a good idea to ignore me.**

Shinji shook his head violently in an attempt to dispell the voice, and it seemed to work as it had seemingly disappeared.

Getting back to the task at hand Shinji spotted the angel and ran towards hands made into fists ready to rip apart the monstrosity when everything went black.

When he awoke he was in a void of light. No, not light it was simply _nothingness_. It was the nothingness there that made him perceive light. The nothingness that was him and something else. There was something else in the nothingness.

what-where am I?

 **you are in the nothing**

what...that doesn't make any sense.

 **fine, then let's call it here.**

who are you?

 **I've already said that.**

no, you didn't, you only gave me choices.

 **those choices are the answer.**

I know that but _which_ one is the answer?

 **you decide that.**

what... but what if I choose wrong?

 **that's impossible.**

just... just tell me your name.

 **I don't have one.**

how can you not have a name?

 **if it means so much to you then fine... call me satori.**

okay...satori... what am I doing here-no what is this place?

 **we aren't anywhere specific...we are simply here.**

 _WHERE_ the hell is _here_!

 **we aren't anywhere**

nevermind just...wait...what happened to everybody else?

 **they died because you failed...that's why your here right now.**

what that's impossible... don't lie to me.

 **you know... you ask for my name and when I give you one you never say it**.

quit _fucking_ with me... what happened to the others!?

 **you failed to save them... you failed your redemption.**

That's... that's impossible...I...I was supposed to save them

 **failure.**

shut...up...

 **failure.**

please...just stop.

 **failure.**

I... I said to stop

 **failure.**

I SAID _SHUT UP_.

 **why should I?**

because...because it _hurts_.

 **no.**

why...why do you want to hurt me so much.

 **because its what you deserve.**

...Just let me out of here.

 **not yet.**

I SAID LET ME THE FUCK OUT!!!

 **NO.**

how..how do I get out.

 **you choose between two things.**

what... what are they...

 **first is that you die with your old world**

an...and...

 **second is that you start in a new world right where everything began.**

 **which do you choose?**

I... I don't want to die.

 **figures... you coward**.

HOW... how is it _cowardly_ to choose to live!?

 **because you don't deserve to live.**

Shut up... ill... ill make me deserve it.

 **yeah...we'll see about that.** I...will.

It was then that everything around Shinji's nothingness began to shift and move in a wave. Like a picture was being.

Before Shinji could fully leave though, Satori had one last thing to say.

 **and don't you dare forget, you are-**

Before Shinji could fully hear it, he was taken back, back to the place where it all began. Two weeks before he was taken to Tokyo-3, he was in his old bedroom. It looked exactly as he had remembered it... lifeless. the boring colors that barely diverged from grey scoured his room.

In the corner was his cello... he didn't really have much to say about it other than he had been using it for a while.

As Shinji glanced around his room, he couldn't get the last thing the voice had said to him out of his mind. Even though he hadn't even heard say them, he just knew, and as he kept thinking back to it, the words slowly rolled out of his tongue.

"you... are... _redemptions runaway._ "

End

I just wanted to let you know that I will be releasing the next chapter as soon as I think its good enough.


	2. Your disgusting

Shinji was having trouble taking everything in as he sat at the foot of his bed in his room.

 _am I really back_ , as Shinji thought this he didn't know if he was happy to be back or not. He couldn't feel the need to do anything at all. not a single thing.

Slowly rising up off of his bed, Shinji made his way to his dresser. When he found what he was looking for, he couldn't help but smile at the photo he held in his hands. There on the picture was a familiar purple haired woman. The photo was adorned with little sentences like " _attention here, please_ ", and a lipstick kiss stain on the corner.' _classic misato_ ', Shinji thought with an all too rare chuckle bubbling up out of him.

But his smile didn't last long(it never does) as tears that felt like sand slowly drizzled onto the photo. Shinji couldn't hold himself anymore, everyone he knew was dead. He had failed them when they needed him most and here he was, doing it all over again, while they rotted on a ruined earth.

 **On a ruined world.**

Slowly the voices painful words rose through Shinji's crackling mind again.

 **failure**

 **failure**

 **failure**

 **...coward**

 **coward**

 **cowa-**

 _please...just stop...just...please_

 **no**

 _why do you hate me_

 **because you're disgusting**

shinji didn't know when he had started talking to the voice again but he didn't care.

because he knew the voice was right.

Shinji, now more than ever, wished to run. To run away to his cassette player and stop thinking for a while. As if it would all fit itself back together again.

And he did just that.

He put the photo(his failure) back in the drawer and slowly made his way to the side of the bed where he kept it. It was there in its usual spot, right between the mattress and wood of his bed.

He grabbed it and lowered himself onto the bed, treasuring the feeling of pressure being released off of his back, and that feeling slowly making its way up his back the more he lay.

He injected his earbuds into his lobes and pressed the worn out play button on the sdat player.

What Shinji had been expecting to hear was the sweet, numbing sounds of Beethoven and back. But instead, the voice made its entrance into him.

 **you're disgusting**

 _why...why are you here_

 **how dare you cry over the women who you abandoned**

 _please... dear god please...don't_

 **god wants nothing to do with you**

 _just...just leave you've made your point_

 **ill never leave until you've suffered for what you've done**

 _Someone...please...help me_

 **no one can help you, you killed them all**

 _misato help me...please_

 **your whore isnt here**

 _...what did you say_

 **don't you dare get angry with me, you knew what she was doing, going on 'dates' that only ended with her getting fucked and dumped**

 _mi-Misato wasn't like that_

 **and then she would drive home and play '** ** _family_** **' with you... and she would think that made her any better a person than what she was... like that changed who she was in any way**

 _no...no...no..._

 **but you wanna know something... deep down... she wanted to make you dirty like her** **. she wanted to drag you to the floor and indulge herself in the primal ecstasy.**

 **she...wanted...to...fuck...a...little...boy.**

 **it makes sense that you would think of her as a family.**

...Rei...please help me...

 **That doll won't be helping you anytime soon**

 _please...not her too_

 **shes too busy helping your father... in more ways than one...**

 _fucking christ will you please-_

 **not to mention how your father also had plenty of fun with Dr.Akagi**

 **who knows... maybe Misato will spread herself a little more**

 _one...one day... I am going to fucking kill you_

 **whims of the feeble... I believe that's what you would call this**

 _ill kill you... and ill save them all...no matter how long it takes...Misato, Rei, Asuka, I'm going to save them_

 **I'll never let you have it so easy**

 _... I know_

And with that, Shinji pulled out his earplugs and made his vow. it wasn't a screech or cry, but a solemn statement. He would not fail in his redemption.

not again.

 **The End**

authors psychotic ramblings: hey I know that this was shorter than the last chapter but I thought that this would make for better pacing. The next chapter will be longer. Expect about a week or so of waiting(tops) as I want the next chapter to be about 5'000 words long or so.

the next chapter will focus on Shinji preparing for his trip to nerv and how exactly the voice plans on making shinjis redemption harder than it already is.

thank you for reading.


	3. Re-acquaintances

Shinji needed to prepare. he looked for anything that might be able to help him in his redemption. He took massage lessons(he wasn't sure why, but, he had to start somewhere) but...deep down...there was the all too familiar guilt and doubt that ripped into his core. he did his best to rip it away from himself, to keep himself at bay from becoming his own ruin. But there was one thing though that he couldn't shake away.

The voice, the _damn voice._

 **what do you think this will accomplish**

 **ignoring me won't be good**

Shinji wouldn't listen to the voice, for if he did, even for a second, he would break. He wasn't running on some invincible willpower, in fact, he was barely keeping it together. The memories of Misato, Rei, Asuka, toji, Kensuke, Ritsuko and everyone else he had failed scorched through him like flaring firecrackers.

But what was undoubtedly the worsed time for Shinji, was in his dreams. Where his deepest subconscious manifests itself into images of things Shinji would either fear or not understand. In his dreams were also where the voice was it's most potent, it would show the worst images. There was an image of a red NERV coat that layed on the ruins of the geofront and poking through a torn hole of the back of the coat, was a small flower.

It was a purple hyacinth.

The next image was of a hanging doll, it was covered in mold and one of its eyes had popped out, hanging on only by a string.

The image after that was of a being that floated in a tank filled with an orange liquid that Shinji guessed could only be LCL. The liquid was too murky and dilapidated to make out any specific features of it, but Shinji had a feeling, a deep grinding in his gut saying that it was somehow staring at him. Expecting something.

It felt like hours that it would stare at him. Expecting something.

When he awoke it was always with a deep somberness.

When he wasn't destroying himself from the inside out, Shinji would work, he would work on every skill that he thought would be even remotely useful. He learned massages, minor home improvement, the one thing he wasn't doing, was talking...to anyone. The only thing he had even remotely communicated with was the voice. And the voice knew about his lack of communication.

 **you fool... do you honestly think that you'll be able to change anything just by learning a few thing** **s?**

 **ignoring me won't get you anywhere and you know it.**

 _... I know that_

 **and you act as if you've changed**

 _I... I have changed_

 **if that's what you really think**

Shinji, deciding that conversing further would get him nowhere, simply reput everything he had learned over the past two weeks into him.

Today...was the day things change.

Slowly... he turned around and walked out the door, and as he walked he kept on whispering to himself in a chant-like state, " _you can not run away...you can not run away...you can not run away_ ".

 **do you honestly think that making a chant will ever change anything**

 _you can not run away_

 **this doesn't change anything for you**

 _you can not run away_

Shinji wasn't chanting this phrase because he believed in it or something like that. No, he was chanting it as an order. It meant that there was no turning back... _no running away anymore._

Before he knew it... he was already there.

He was there waiting at the pole(the voice was being unusually quiet)not bothering to try the phone line as he had so long ago. Instead, he simply waited for the explosions to ring out.

 _BANGGGGG...THUMMPPPPPP_

The sounds rang out like clockwork to Shinji's ears.

When he looked up at what had made the noises, however, what he had expected to see was the green titan he had battled so long ago, but instead, what he saw could only be seen something that shouldn't exist.

It simply didn't make sense, instead of the mask that had adorned the beast last time, in its place were spikes of varying sizes that shed an acidic liquid from there tips. Instead of the beasts lanky arms, there were masses of tentacles on either side of them.

When it came to the legs... there simply were none... it's seemingly legless body floated above the destroyed city.

Shinji's horror quickly turned to bitter hatred as he came to the realization as to who was responsible for these drastic changes.

 **how do you like it**

 _fuck...you_

 **...are you really surprised about this**

 _I swear if... if you did anything to them_

 ** _ohhhh_... don't worry I haven't touched your precious friends**

 _goddamn right you didn't_

 **but that doesn't mean other things haven't changed**

 _...what_

 **like I would ever steal the fun away from you**

 _figures..._

shinji didn't have time to keep bickering with the voice as he spotted a dangerously speeding blur, a blue Renault, barreling toward him.

It came to a tire shredding stop mere feet away from the boy(but he was expecting this) and the driver's side door buckled open." sorry I'm late Shinji, I'm Misato", she said with a cheery urgency that Shinji deemed only Misato was capable of.

Shinji wasted no time running towards his purple-haired savior with very real urgency. once he was in, Shinji was about to greet Misato in a more formal manner but when he tried to do so...he couldn't speak. He couldn't bear himself with having to greet her again.

He was too scared to remind himself of what he had done.

Misato(noticing the boys apparent nervousness and finding it kinda cute) reached out to him first with, "so I guess we should get our introductions out of the way huh".

" umm...yeah I'm...I'm Shinji...you"

"Captain katsuragi but you can call me Misato... _our little secret_ ," she said teasing tone that Shinji couldn't help but smile at.

' _that got him_ 'she thought thinking that the boy's smile...was rather begging in a way. It was like an art piece. _So sad... so rare._

 _And so... their drive continues..._

the reason I didn't make it 5000 words is because I would get burned out if I did. Si ill stay the same.


	4. Grip

His smile was like an art piece. That was the first thought Misato had about the boy. _I like it_ , was the second thought. She had no real idea as to why she was so enamored with the boy's tragic whim that echoed across his tired face.

She would never admit that it may have been because it reminded her of herself.

'hmmm- _oh fuck!_ ', she thought as she swerved out of the way of the debris that obstructed the broken streets, nearly missing a twisted railing in the process.

" _holy hell_... oh sorry about that Shinji," she said looking over to give the boy a look of quirky reassurance, but when she looked over to the boy she found that he was in an undisturbed trance looking out of the window.' _talk about concentration_ ', Misato thought as it looked almost as if he were...waiting for something.

back to Shinji

 _When was it again_ , Shinji thought trying to flash through his head for his answer, his thinking, however, was interrupted by Misato making sure he hadn't gone into shock. "hey...HEY, Shinji".

" Hmm...Oh uh, what is it Misato."

"wheeww...Don't scare me like that kiddo... what would your dad have done if I had hurt you."

"my dad doesn't really...", Shinji tried to finish the sentence but trailed off when he thought _when has she ever called me kiddo before?,_ his eyes met misatos for an instant and the same old thought gouge themselves into his mind.

 **you will never be able to make this work**

Misato noticed the boys shift in mood and mentally slapped herself for ruining the mood she had managed to salvage out of Shinji.' _ahhh, you dumb bitch look what you did, you know what kind of guy his father is...Jesus_ ', her berating was interrupted by Shinji suddenly whispering," _its nothing... don't worry about it Misato_ ".

"oh... o-okay Shinji", she said haphazardly in vain to lighten the mood. she decided that now was not the time to worry about that and first she should actually get them there first.

She checked off a mental checkpoint as they went onto an open stretch of road that curved slightly with a single railing on the side farthest from the city. She stopped the car with her trademark curve coming to a halt so she could check on the situation in the city.

Shinji went with a start as he had finally remembered what he was looking for,' _and right before it too late_ ', he thought, to give a little mental slap to himself that said to _keep things in better check you dumbass_.

Shinji decided that he should see it forts as he shouted out, " _N2 MINEEE_!!!".

"What!?" Misato stammered out while taking her binoculars out check out his statement. But she was surprised with she felt a sudden force push her down and for a serene and not fully their moment while she was being held she thought,' _father?'._

Shinji wasn't sure why he had pushed Misato down but he had her in a protective embrace.

The blast came like an oncoming storm heading straight for the two of them. The ground quaked and it looked like the end of the world coming in a tidal wave, with all of it raining down upon them.

The car began to rock, and quickly growing in tenacity, it began to roll. Shinji didn't notice the cars liftoff at first a he was too busy with holding the strangely quiet Misato down in some strange way of protecting her.

He only noticed something was off when his back bashed against the window breaking it completely and sending him flying into the air(with him twirling like some sort of human Beyblade).

He landed into the dirt with his arms out in front of him causing them to make a strange cracking sound as he hit the ground.

' _wh-what the hell was that_ ', he thought as he attempted to steady himself up into a sitting position but as tried to do so he had one quick look at his left arm and screamed.

Misato was slightly disturbed in her serenity when she felt Shinji's protective arms leave her and had her wanting to pull them back to her. _no...dont leave me_...she was ripped away from her waking dream by a young boys crying screech." _ahhhhhhh!!!_ ".

"Shinji!!", she inquired frantically as she untangled herself from the web that her seat belt had become in the crash. Once she was untangled and managed to get the seat belt off she fell to the floor(or technical side of the car as it had flipped over) and climbed up out of the car.

Once she was out of the car she was about to break into a dead set sprint to the boy but was stopped frozen when she took in the sight in front of her.

' _dear god...it's...it's like a land of ash... those crazy bastards...what have they_ -', she didn't finish the thought as memories came racing back into her. Memories that should be dead. Her trauma was ripped short as Shinji's scream appeared once more.

" Shinji... what happened", she said in broken breaths that came from the fact that the Ashland was rather difficult to traverse(especially for someone who would happen to be wearing high heels).

"Its... it's my arm", Shinji said in a broken sob that made Misato wince to hear coming from such shy looking boy. Misato(her military training kicking in) took a surveying look at the boy's arm.

" Its broken...badly", she said looking at the boy's twisted arm, veins bulging in a broken miasma of intensity.

" _fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_ ", Shinji said in a machine gun like way as Misato grabbed him on his unbroken arm and slowly began to pick him up. " _Shh,_ it's okay Shinji... we can fix it", she said in what would sound like a calming and motherly voice but was really her delirious attempt to keep her calm as she slid the boy's arm over her neck to give stableness to both of them. _why does his arm feel so nice..._ ', she thought wanting to slide his arm down a little lower... _perhaps under her-_ , she shook the wretched thought away as they reached her car.

"wheeww, now how am I supposed to flip this bad boy over", she said trying her best to think of a solution that allowed her to keep the boy's arm over her.

While she was busy thinking of a solution, Shinji began wincing slightly as Misato's grip tightened around him.


	5. those eyes

**IMPORTANT ALER** **T** : This story will be divided into sections of sorts. Basically, each characters _redemption_ will be in its own arc(in the order of Misato, Rei, and Asuka and I might add a few other characters such as Ritsuko and the bridge bunnies). I plan to change each character backstory a little bit but I hope to be able to keep the essence of the character they are. There will also be rather long(about a month or two and that I will write other stories during hose breaks to keep my mind open and so I won't get burned out) breaks in between each new chapter. That's it.

Chapter 5: _Those Eyes_

They were back on the road after a long 20 minutes of Shinji insisting that he could stand on his own and Misato insisting that she couldn't leave him like that after he had helped her. Shinji was going to continue to argue that he should let her use both hands to get the car back up but a mix of misatos aggressive denying and slight teases made him give up and instead, he noticed the voices abnormal quietness.

Not that he would complain about it.

"Don't worry, were nearing nerv and we can get your arm fixed up once we're there", Misato said with a fake smile as on the inside she was slowly killing herself for letting Shinji get hurt _protecting her_ of all things when it should have obviously been the other way around. _I'm the fucking escort here...jeez why do I even care about the kid_ ', she thought as she recalled back to the fact that she had only taken this as a way of shooting up ranks.

She had to break down her personal thoughts, however, when they reached the Nerv main gates and were going down the( _oversized_ is what Misato would say but it was only a cover-up for the fact that she had no idea how to traverse the complex) elevator when Misato decided that it might be cool to impress the kid with the geo-front.

"Hey Shinji look down there, do you see that", she said in a voice that would best hide the fact that she was trying to impress a 14-year-old kid.

" Yeah... Misato", he said as he watched the building seemingly sink into their places above the geo-front. He really was still amazed by how alien and beautiful the spectacle looked.

' _got him again_ ', she thought with a small fist pump as the boy was staring with such a dreamlike essence at the fortress and would not see her.

For a brief second misatos mind wandered into the area that wondered what it would be like to be looked at like that by the boy, _Nope nopety nope nopey_ she slammed into her head as she mentally raped the thought of her and the boy away from her mind.

" _what were rit's to_ _think_ if she saw me like this", she said in a low whisper while looking at the boys back, paying particular attention to the boys mangled arm. Guilt was peppering her like a machine gun every time she took a gander at the boy and his mangled hand, guilt and a need to pay it back. How she would go about this was with the usual.

"Huh?", shinji inquired as he looked at her, he looked away, however, the second he met eyes with the older woman. He just couldn't seem to look her in the eyes, the voice would always know this fact.

 **how do you even plan on fixing anything if you look away from everything you see**

 _shut up... I'll get used to it_

 **sure** **you will**

Now if Misato knew one thing as a fact, it was that she was beautiful. Age had barely touched her and she had known of her beauty as soon as she was old enough to ' _notice_ ' a certain look about people when they lay eyes on you(and she wasted no time in using said looks for _deals_ if that's what you could call them that). So you could say that she was a little less than pleased when Shinji refused to look her in the eyes, and even for the brief time he had made eye contact, it wasn't the normal look... something different. Something Misato didn't exactly _not_ _like_ (in that certain way)but was somewhat(and for reasons she couldn't figure out) fearful of that brief gaze.

Misato decided that she wasn't going to let him go just yet...not until she figured him out.

They got into the parking area of Nerv complex and started their _long...long...long_ walk to the holding bay due to Misatos 'poor' coordinational ability to put it lightly.

Shinji finally exhausted his patience from waiting for Misato to find her goddamn way through the facility(his arm pain, though slightly subsiding, didn't help matters in that, or any other matter for that matter) when he grabbed Misato by the arm," hey what the-", she couldn't finish as she realized where the boy was leading her."oh...hey I think you might be right", she said with a slight apprehensiveness due to the fact that she was just upstaged by a 14-year-old boy who just learned of this place(the place _she_ had called work for the past 2 weeks).

"Yeah", he said still afraid of really _conversing_ with the woman who he once called his guardian...his friend. As soon as the word friend crossed through Shinji's conscious the voice ripped back open the image of Misato's desolate jacket with the whimpering flower poking through it. Or was it him who made the image come back...he didn't know.

They reached their destination at an almost acceptable time due to Shinji's patience cracking and when they reached the final elevator that would take them to the bay...Shinji froze.

 _Now is the time...musn't run away...musn't run away...musn't runaw-._

" Hey, you alright?", he heard a worried voice break through his trance and in his shock, he stumbled back and fell on the floor, bringing Misato down with him.

" _damn_... sorry about that Misato", Shinji said just wanting to get away from her and not really paying attention to what was happening. He was on top of her with his hands on either side of her head. The pain in his arm was blaring but his sheer desperation in getting away from the older woman was enough for him to consider it a secondary matter.

" wait", she said as she realized she had a chance to get a good look at his eyes and not thinking about the fact that with the position they were currently holding themselves in if anyone were to walk in on this they(well, mostly Misato) would be rather high in the shit-o-meter.

She reached her hands to his face to keep him from moving away and caused Shinji to go into a deep blush as Misato studied the boys haunting eyes. Looking for the meaning in them.

" _Hmm_."

"umm, Misato", Shinji said in a failed attempt to bring the entranced woman back to reality but after a few in-vain attempts of wiggling away from her, realized that he had no choice but to wait out her interest.

" _Hmmm",_ she rung out from her vocal cords, a deeply inquisitive buzzing that rang out from her as she looked into his eyes.

She looked deeper than she ever had before. Deeper than a bed sheet...Deeper than her past...Deeper than the bottom of a bottle.

 _what is it? what is it with his eyes. They seem so desperate like he's begging for something. they aren't like kaji's...they're...they're...almost like the eyes of a tired adult._ She had come to that conclusion doubtingly and instead decided on the idea that he was simply a lonely kid. She noted that conclusion to think about later.

Even though she didn't fully feel it at that moment, her heart was slowly making room for this boy. But of what kind, must still be answered.

Without a further warning, the door to the bay opened and in stepped the bottle blonde, Ritsuko Akagi(head Nerv scientist and lead in project E).

' _Damn these eva diagnostic checks are such a pain in the fricking ass!_ ', Ritsuko thought tiredly as she got out of her bathing suit that she had to put on in order to safely do diagnostics on the Evas. As she pulled off her suit, she winced slightly as bruises from her 'lovers' love taps from last night.' _shhhh... I'm going to need to put on some ointment again_ ', she thought with a rare moment of gratefulness over the fact that no one ever seemed to look at her.

' _where the hell is Misato at, there's an angel running around destroying everything in a 100 fucking mile radius and she decides to just fuck off with the third_ ', she thought angrily looking at the clock and grimacing as she saw that they only had 13 minutes left before they would use the 1st as a backup, not that the doctor would complain about watching the 1st get stuffed back into that robot.

Her sickeningly sweet thoughts of the 1st child dying in the jaws of the purple beast were disrupted by a loud crash coming from the other side of the bay doors.

' _right on cue eh_ ', the bottle blonde thought boorishly while heading over to the doors to give her _friend_ a little lecture on the importance of time.

"well hello _captain_ great for you to decide to sh-", she was about to give a good satirical lecture when the sight before her stopped her midsentence(something that didn't happen very often).

" _Ohh,_ hey Rit's", responded a crimson red grape head(something that happened even less than Ritsuko stopping midsentence) slowly rising up from under Shinji who was in shock from a mixture of Ritsuko walking in on them and finally fully registering the fact that he jammed his broken hand into a steel floor.

" _Jesus_ fucking christ Misato", Ritsuko barely got out after taking in the fact that she found her old college friend under a 14-year-old boy. She knew her friend was loose but this was a few miles over the line.

"oh...uh...mm", Shinji began gurgling in his state of embarrassment and agony and gripping his arm in a lame attempt of soothing it.

"And you, what the hell do you think...", she trembled off once she laid eyes on Shinji's hand.

"It's not as bad as you think Rit's", Misato said while explaining about how well she treated Shinji's arm.

 _smack!!!_ *

" _WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS IS CAPTAIN!?_ ",Ritsuko said after showing the fact that she wouldn't just be dicked around by Misatos incompetence.

"it's okay Dr.Akagi... I can pilot", Shinji said in a phase of disbelief over the fact the usually calm Dr just slapped Misato across the face.

 **you never cease in your ability to fuck things up, do you?**

"You just be quiet for now an... wait how do you know about the piloting", Ritsuko asked the disheveled boy in an accusing fashion.

Misato was now coming out of her post smacked phase and was about to retort onto the dr when she too grew weary of Shinji's knowledge about the fact that he would be piloting the eva. (Information that even she hadn't been trusted with)

"Wait, he's going to be piloting, he doesn't even have any training!",Misato said pointing to the scared and confused boy.

"...Back to the matter at hand, how did you know that you would be piloting the eva?"

"Hey don't ignore me!"

"Oh well...my father sent that knowledge with the letter he sent.", Shinji lied while rubbing his broken arm subconsciously from the awkwardness from talking to two dead people.

" Hmm, okay come this way then", Ritsuko said while noting how Shinji rubbed his arm.

They walked through the automatic steel doors that led them to the bay, with Misato barking them out about how they ignored when the lights cut out.

"Hey what's going on" chorused Misato and Shinji when a few moments later the lights flashed on with a blinding efficiency.

Shinji's eyes widened for a moment but quickly went back to normal size as he looked into the cold, snarling eyes of Eva-unit 01.

"So this is it", he said barely above a whisper.

Ritsuko was about to reply when a powerful and cold voice rippled from above them with a simple," yes."

Shinji turned around with a brief moment of confusion before cursing at himself inwardly for forgetting about **him.**

"this is my work..." continued the cold voice of Gendo Ikari, Shinji's father.

"hello... _father..."_

: _End Of Chapter Five_ :

brief message: So I just wanted you to know that I think it going to continue with

this upload schedule.


	6. my life is shit so soory

Hello... I'm sorry, my life has turned into turmoil and I need a loooong break. I will be writing but not on this story. Sorry


	7. New Story Coming Soon

I'm going to be working on a new story that will be a retelling of nge. It will contain themes from this story but will also have its own story. I'm sorry if you wanted me to continue this story but I have no interest in this story as it is now.

I don't know when I will be releasing this new fanfic but it will hopefully be soon. I'm looking forward to it.


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